A Justification of Online Dating.

So . . . yeah. Match.com: I paid to date. Question of the day: Am I a john? As in pimp?

Seriously, though. Online dating has come a looong way. It no longer has the taboo associated with it that it once did, where normal people (myself included) assumed that only pervs and weirdos were on there, scouting for abnormal sex partners and people to hack into small pieces. Well, now would be a good time to tell the story of my only other foray into the world of online dating. This had to have been 5, 6 years ago, when, truth be told, I think the taboo was still there. My girlfriend put me on this dating site where other people recommend you; she also wrote my profile. Among "things I like," said girlfriend wrote a laundry list of things I like, perfectly normal things, one of which was the movie 'Secretary,' which had just come out. I do like that movie. I thought the acting was great, it was very original, and I love Maggie G and James Spader (why is he like the most creepiest-hot person ever?). Anywho, I get contacted by a guy who would like to take me on a date. He is SO not my type-- his picture reflected an unattractive, skinny uber-nerd. But, in my never-fading dating optimism, I thought, "well, it hasn't been working with guys who are my type, so why not give it a try?"

Ha. So, we go out. We go to a burlesque show off of Union Square-- on a first date. Who does that? Songs and dances, OK.. . nekkid boobies, thats kind of a second date thing. Anyway, we're having a pre-show cocktail, and the first question out of his mouth is about Secretary. I give my little talk-- great acting, blah blah. He's like, "Yeah. So. . . are you the top or the bottom?" Exqueeze me? He continues: "Yeah, I was in a BDSM club in college . . ." First minute of first date. Telling me about his bondage activities and inquiring about mine. The real issue was trying to convice this dude that I had none, which he just wasn't having. I mean, is it really that unheard of for someone to like Secretary in a non-I-used-to-do-that kind of way?? Sheesh. The other thing I couldn't stop thinking about was how this guy found dates. I mean, did he do a keyword search of profiles? And if so, was his keyword really 'secretary'? Cause thats pretty lame, and in retrospect, I'm beginning to question just how hardcore he really was. Seriously, how bad can a collegiate S&M club be?

So, I held off on the internet dating for awhile. I'm sure the pervs and such are still on there, but now, us average Joes have also joined the ranks. In addition to the general taboo having been remvoed, my one-month-long involvement with Match has shown me that there are actually some pretty good catches on there. I mean, "good catch" is subjective of course, but many are employed, make good money, and went to college. Some even own cats, which is the true test of any man. AND, they have real jobs, too. Some are still fumbling about trying to figure themselves out, but lots are doctors, lawyers, financial planners . . . everything your mother dreamed of.

Speaking of mothers, my own has made two comments thus far on my online dating: (1) "Bring your gun on every date!" and (2) "Get a docta!" That last comment was via email, so she did indeed say/write 'docta.'

Anyway, after my break-up, I decided there were two ways for me to go: the old wallow in my own pathetic misery route, which would have absolutely culminated in some sort of suicide or masochistic act on my 30th birthday; or buck up and get over it. I chose the latter, although it was, of course, difficult. But honestly, I think one of the hardest things about a break-up is that feeling of wanting the person back for awhile afterwards . . . the holding onto the feelings of "what if he wants me back? what if we could get back together? When is he going to call/email/text?" Once I forced myself to admit that not only was Mike (the primary offender) not going to call and that he was not going to change his mind, but that I didn't want him back, things got easier. It was all in the mentally letting go, which is still enormously difficult, but it was what I had to do. The more important thing about mentally letting go was that it frees up your mind and emotions for new things, to move on. At least, it did for me. Because I was ready to date again after only a couple of weeks after the break-up.

So why Match? People always think that New York is like a goldmine for dating, but its SO not. Unless you want or are a waif-supermodel-wannabe. Nonetheless, I look at it this way: its a resource. I'm not holed up in front of my computer every night waiting for my new Match 'winks' to come in . . . I'm going out and making myself available, and being online is just one more resource to use. I definitely think I'm meeting men whom I otherwise wouldn't, by simple factors such as where we live (for non-New Yorkers, there really is a difference between Brooklyn and Queens, say, and commuting for a date in this town can take hours), our jobs, or where we hang out. Besides that, I think the chances of me meeting another S&M guy or serial killer are possibly less on Match than in the general NYC-world. Writing a thoughtful Match profile is time consuming and a lot of effort. And if I do end up getting slaughtered by a serial killer who wrote a sufficiently enticing profile for me to contact him/respond to his contact, I could at least be proud of his smarts and writing as well as his knifing skills. So much better than the pulled into an alley by a homeless dude scenario.