Princess Chunk

So the purpose of today's post is twofold. Both purposes are to inform you, my public, of the things you need to know.

The first thing you need to know is that in a haze of loving mushiness and that weird feeling you get when you like somebody that you want to share everything with them, I granted Joe access to this blog. So he has read all my "mean" (he politely called me "snarky") posts AND all of my damn lovey-dovey posts about him, which thrilled him to no end. You, my public and loyal readers, should know this because he also read all of your snarky comments. Hahahaha. He knows we all suspect him of wanting to Mandalorian-marry me and that we've been plotting to get rid of his goatee for months. Anyway, I am not censoring myself for him and neither should you all. Hi Joe. Unfortunately, there's nothing to really write about on that front, so I'm back to commenting on pop culture crap.

Hence purpose number two, to educate in the ways of the pop culture feline. Anyone who has been to my house has met my cat Smokey, whom I describe to those to who haven't met him as being a "mutant," "pony," or "badger" because of his size. Smokey is a big dude. My coworker used to have a t-shirt that said "Big Dude" on it and I so wanted it to come in a feline size, but alas. Smokey is a fat cat, no doubt, but he also just has really big bones and a big build. He's exactly the way I like 'em: big, dumb and sweet (hi Joe!). Smokey weighs 16 pounds.

So on that note, please meet "Princess Chunk" (that's her above), a cat found wandering the streets of Southern New Jersey, and who is now in a shelter and in need of a home. Princess Chunk weighs 44 pounds. 44 pounds!! I'm not a mother or one of those women all into babies, but I'm pretty sure that's the size of like, what, a 2-year-old or some shit? People, this cat is huge. So huge, in fact, that she's the subject of even an Associated Press article. Apparently, the Guiness Book of World Records had the largest cat ever on record at 46 pounds, so Princess isn't doing too bad for herself.

I would also like to comment on the state of New Jersey, and how it is possible that a homeless cat could nonetheless inflate herself to 44 pounds eating your garbage. Your garbage, New Jersey! Your garbage, and, no doubt, your oversized pigeons and squirrels and maybe even small children. Who weigh less than this cat, or just don't have any fightin' skills yet. Which they get early in NJ. Especially Camden. Princess doesn't look like a Camden cat, though.

Lesson of the Day: I generally don't have anything against New Jersey per se, but I find it really amusing that this cat would be from there. Am I right? Would it be as funny if Princess was from New Mexico or something? I guess if she hailed from Alabama I would absolutely make fried chicken and Red State obesity jokes . . . but I'll take what I can get.